Sael's Journal

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

It's happened so fast. They were taken from me so fast. The Regiment's been good for me I think. Aside from the incident with Lobotos, there's not been much sadness here. Dakmah's twins are on the way, Sillidaan's been taken care of, and I think I've even caught Sinfael smiling lately. That last one could be my imagination though.

Master Lhorne has done well for himself too. He's become even stronger since the day he helped me in Tirisfal, even commanding our forces in Alterac. I've even seen Master Kalyn more recently as well, along with Ladies Alyssenia and Ambrielle. Commander Netherbright is proving to be as good as both my previous Masters as well.

It's funny though. It's all going so well, but I still don't know where I fit in. Yes, I'm the head of N.S.I.U., and yes, I've been doing my share of work in Alterac, but still I feel restless. I suppose I lie sometimes. I actually envy Sinfael's honesty. If I didn't hide behind my smile, I think I'd tear myself apart. I'm glad though, because more and more recently, I find myself not having to remind myself to laugh.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Second Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

It's been falling apart. Sillidaan's back. I've left the Regiment with Alexrial and Zanzii to form our own organization, Scorpio. Erelle's current insanity is just too much, and Kael has to die. In her current state, I don't believe that she even remembers that goal. I will remember though, because I'll never forget their faces, I'll never forget the bodies, and I'll never forget what Kael did.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Fourth Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

After speaking with the Commander in Lordaeron, she seems to have come to her senses, and so, I've returned to the Regiment. The few people I've talked to since my return have seemed, colder. That's fine. The personal touch just seems to leave openings in your armor anyway. I've decided to throw myself fully into the Regiment now. I'm the model soldier. I obey, I'm loyal, and I no longer ask questions. I've given up drinking as well, probably for the best. I hope Kael know's how much I hate him. I really do. I don't know why, but I honestly want to see the fear on his face when he dies...

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Fifth Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

The General, Traselghan, is dead. It was suprising, considering his abilities in combat. He'd rarely lost a fight from what I could tell. I suppose we all have our limits in this world.

I've tried getting back together with some people, old friends, but it really isn't the same. Sinfael's been, occupied, lately. She's had to take on alot more since Mesoni's death. I wonder if she's gotten any closer to finding a way to heal herself. I know I haven't. At this rate, she'll probably waste away right under our noses. All respect for the General, but I think I would take that funeral harder by far.

It's been harder to really care about people lately. It's sad, I suppose. They're my friends, and I have to force myself to smile, or even frown, around them. I really do miss my early days in the Regiment.

Things can't be like that anymore though. I left, and've returned as the broken soldier I really am. This is how things were before I met the Commander, or Lhorne, or even Kalyn, and this is likely how things will end for me. I won't stop trying, and hoping, for some semblance of companionship from those who once called me "friend", but I'm a realist. I don't expect to ever regain their trust, not fully at least.

I've spent most of my time recently brooding; planning how is best to kill Kael'thas. I've been training hard for this, and I want the deathblow to be satisfying. I want him to feel pain. I want him to want to scream, and only find empty breath waiting for him. I want his eyes to go cold with fear for his pitiful life, and for him to beg for forgiveness, finding none in me. I want to see in him, all the pain that he's caused me. I want him to know that he's just as mortal as I am. Some might call me sick, and they're probably right. I don't care though. I will have his blood on my hands, and I will bathe in it...

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Special Entry

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

I was thinking today about what I would do after Kael is dead. At this point, I'm sure I won't stay with the Regiment. Any love I had for them is gone now, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. But for now, they're good soldiers, and they seem to be most likely to destroy the bastard. The Commander seems more into her role as our leader than ever. I wonder what it will be like when we have Kael begging us for mercy? What would I say? "May I impale him now ma'am? May I cause him more pain than you can imagine ma'am? Permission to torture him until his tear ducts run dry?" I don't even know why I spent my time trying to "help" her that day in Lordaeron. I've truely been foolish these past months. I shouldn't have told her about Kallindra and Rothan. She didn't see their portrait though, so I may be able to reconcile that. I wasted far too much time and thought on Vanmoriel. She won't even be alive much longer, so I must've been out of my mind to even think of her in that way. At this rate, she'll decay into nothingness in no time at all. I can't see why Netherbright would have her replace Traselghan. A seat filler I suppose. A pretty face to keep morale up long enough to find her own replacement. I suppose I've been out of my mind concerning alot of subjects. I thought that I could actually have friends, and some semblance of a loving family. You can't. Not if you've seen and done the things that I have. I've been kidding myself for too long. Regardless, none of this answers my question. "What will I do?" I don't even know if I hate Arthas enough to go after him anymore. If this is the best that Silvermoon can be, he may not have been wrong to destroy it the first time afterfall... I can't even remember why I went after Morningweave. Oh yes. He's the one who killed them. I almost forgot. But Arthas... I wonder if he'd still have me in his ranks? That'd be laughable. He wasn't even able to keep Silvermoon or Lordaeron silent, and there's rumor that Dalaran is being rebuilt. Anyone that incapable of razing a simple city isn't worth following. He's likely only going to cause more chaos then, and this world doesn't need that. I wonder if the Regiment will go after him as well? I suppose if they do, I might be inclined to stay for a bit longer. I'd rather not think about what to do after the death of Arthas though. It's far too far in the future to really know anyhow. I can't really make plans for the future. I have none. I have one goal left, and that's as bloody as the rest of this world's history. On a positive note, the attack on Feathermoon Stronghold was successful. The worst occurance were the deaths of a few innocent civilians. I think I can remember a time when that hurt considerably more than it does.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Sixth Month of Netherbright.

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

I ran into Despil today. We had an, interesting, conversation. He was kind enough to fill me in on some possibly life-saving info, for nothing no less. Either I've been horribly wrong about things, or he's a bigger fool than anyone gives him credit for. I sincerely hope that it isn't the latter. I'm trying to meet with the Commander. I'm hoping to straighten things out with her and get things back on track. Maybe it's just stress. I never claimed to be some great hero. I just try to do what I can for my friends when I can, and when I can't, make sure whoever stopped me pays dearly. Which brings me back to Kael. I've come to terms with my sadistic thoughts and tendances towards him. He will die. And he will suffer. And that will be that. Overall, I think today's faired better than most lately, and if I can keep making my days just a little bit better at a time, that's all I can ask for.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, 6th Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

I met with Erelle today. It was dissapointing. Apparently she feels the same way about Kael as I do. I'm not sure if I'm glad that I'm not alone, or worried about her. I think both. She doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and that's what worries me i think. She's so willing to just give into the hate, the anger, the bloodlust. Maybe I'm just not as strong as she is. I don't believe that. I'm no fool, but I know that if I've been through what I have, I must have some strength to me. I'd like to see how sane Erelle would be if she'd experienced nightmares of saving a child's life, only to murder him yourself with your bare hands. Compared to those times, this is nothing. I should be able to handle this. I should stop avoiding Vanmoriel. I should stop moping, and get back to my life. Sinfael and I talked, and things are going to get better, I hope. I'll have to make a point to appologizing to the Commander, again. I wonder how much longer until her patience with me runs thin? I don't think she'll care much as long as I follow her orders and don't get in her way. She's a pragmatisist. Something seemed off with Sin though, more so than usual. If I get the chance, I intend on finding out more about what's going on. I'm not letting anything, or anyone, slip away. Not again. I am Sael'thos A'shalla Skyskinner. I'm the son of a farmer, and left the military with the rank of Colonel. I am a soldier of the Netherbright Regiment, and will serve until the day I die. My wife and son are dead, and their murderer will pay dearly. No one can stop me now. But many will try...

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Sixth Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

Crazy. That's the word to describe it. Sillidaan is finally dead, without question, and I know for certain now that Kael will fall, and soon. The Commander's already led one successful assault on his stronghold on Quel'Danas. It won't be long before he's dead at our feet. I wonder now though, if I'll be there for it. Just months ago, I'd never've allowed such thoughts to even enter my mind, but it seems that the friends which Sinfael had told me about many weeks ago have come for her. From what I was told from Erelle, they seem trustworthy enough, and yet I still feel the need to be there with her, almost as strongly as I feel the need to be there when Kael falls. I think I'll talk to the Commander about it, though I'm sure she'll tell me to stand down. Who know though? She may surprise me.

Speaking of the Commander and her surprises, I believe that her and Toumar have finally sealed the deal. I suppose now Toumar will either a. swoon all the more, or more hopefully b. calm down a great deal. Whatever the result, I am happy for the both of them. They remind me of myself and Kallindra in alot of ways. In alot of ways they're completely different. Maybe we'll see little Netherbright heads running around in a few years? I'm sure Dakmah's twins would love some elven friends to play with.

This brings me to my last and final point in this entry. Zulrajas Spellbane. Words to describe him include, but are not limited to: Friend, Husband, Traitor, Abandonment, Father, Cheat, and Waste. It makes me sick to have ever considered someone like him a friend. Spellbane... How far you've fallen. You left Dakmah, pregnant no less, and for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no justification this time, friend. There is no glory, or greater good. There is right, and there is wrong. This is wrong, without question. And guess what Spellbane. Someone will make you pay a heavy price for this, a heavy price. Fathers who abandon their children are worth less to me than a demon pleading innocent to the use of fel magic.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, 7th Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

I saw things today, that were unpleasant. A new addition to the Regiment, I believe her name is Sairia, had a miscarrige. I can't help but feel the wounds of losing Rowthan fresh and raw again. I miss him dearly... Him and Kallindra... My heart goes out to Sairia and her husband. I doubt they'll ever fully recover from this. I think I'd be worried if they did.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Seventh Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

Sinfael's friends, one of them a man named Theran I believe, have finally come to take her. She's asked Kathelyn and myself to come along. I readily accepted the offer. If there's any way to cure her, I intend to find it, or as is the case with many of my goals in life, die trying. I don't know what I'd do if I let her die on my watch. I honestly don't know what direction I'd follow. That isn't something I like much to think about however...

-tear stains are scattered upon the following paragraph-

As disturbing as it sounds, I've even begun to care about Kathelyn. She may be dead, but she's still as much a child as I remember Rowthan being. As much as I love to see the girl in her ignorant bliss, it pains me every time to remember Rowthan, and know that neither she, nor he will know what it's like to grow old. I found myself wondering, if they hadn't
died, how they'd have gotten along. Those are wasted thoughts though, for Rowthan will never be coming home, and Kathelyn will never know life past childhood...

~ S. A. Skyskinner, 7th Month of Netherbright

[Sael'thos Skyskinner]

We've returned, Sinfael, Kathelyn, and myself. I don't want to delve to far into the details of the journey, but overall it seemed to be successful. Sin's ok, for now. The trolls are working some sort of burning treatment. I wish they'd had some way to help her aside from causing her even more pain, but what must be done, must be done I suppose.

Life in the Regiment goes on as normal. Though I dare say, organization's becoming better, and I've actually risen in the ranks somewhat. I'll be doing more with these new responsibilities, and I hope to be a better asset because of it.

I've met an elf recently, by the name of Seeke Duskcourt. He's got some promise to him, though his age does show sometimes. He reminds me so much of Rowthan at that age, it hurts to see the boy. I try to help him when I can though, and with any luck, I'll be able to set him on the right path.

Another elf, Alannah, has also caught my attention. She's definately a piece of work, though she does have a certain attraction to her. I'd like to talk more with her, she seemed rather intelligent in all honesty.

The Commander and I had a talk after I stumbled upon her journal. I wasn't as surprised by her thoughts as she might've thought I'd be. She's not much more than a kid herself, and she expects me to believe that she's as tough and level headed as she puts on for the Regiment? I don't think so. I may be older, but I'm not old. I still think straight and logically, and that just didn't add up. Anyways though, we talked, and came to some conclusions. I sent the journal to Toumar, I really hope that boy can grow up, and I'll likely check in with Erelle sometime soon to see how things've turned out.

These last few months've been tiresome, but rewarding, and I intend to make the next few much the same.

~ S. A. Skyskinner, Eighth Month of Netherbright