A Not-So-Hidden Teleporting Journal

[Satturos Waylorn]

Hidden within his home in Ratchet in a small chest under his bed, Satturos keeps some thoughts, but much like his typical uncaring or generally angry nature in Silvermoon...the writings in this journal seem to have the exact same nature, except when speaking of his family.

(( Note that when reading this, it commonly does not reflect what I think OOCly, specifically pertaining to when Satt bashes particular people. It's just his IC nature as being a general ass that I love to portray. ))

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8-May-2008

Entry 1: Tomorrow...

I can't believe she convinced me into getting one of these things. I've never liked journals but she said I should try it, maybe relieve some stress...so I might as well. It's been almost a month now since I joined the Regiment, and I can honestly say that I still don't see why she remains in it. The last guild meeting in Tanaris alone showed me how poorly organized this Regiment is, and quite frankly I just am not fond of being in it. Perhaps I'm just just over critiquing, but I have more honor than to act as somebody's brown nosing lapdog. If Erelle or any of those other degenerate lunatics think they can order me around, they'll find quite a surprise in store for them. As long as they let me do my own thing and don't step on my toes, I'll remain with them...but only because it makes Sai happy.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I had almost forgotten. I haven't celebrated it in years, at least not since before I entered training those years ago. Sai seems to keep pressing it and making it a big deal. It looks like we'll be celebrating it tomorrow...intimately, or so she says.

Jaspa and the others defected and left the Bonereavers after I did, leaving Itanu in a sinking ship, I guess I could say. They reformed as some white collar, high level mafia-esque gang called Iniquitous something-or-other. "The Mask of Evil" was the definition I got from Jaspa when I asked him about it. Supposedly they're in big with a prostitution ring and a drug ring. I have reason to suspect they are targetting Regiment members for assassination, but so long as it isn't Sai or myself, I could care less.

It's been about a week now since a girl approached me claiming to be my daughter from the future, that her and her brother had come back through the Cavern of Time to warn us of something that will happen in the future. My kids? It's something mind boggling, but apparently true. It was an odd feeling when Sai told me it was true. I felt lightheaded and almost fainted right alongside her...but I couldn't. I couldn't allow myself too.

We went for a walk on the beach a few nights ago. She asked me about former women in my life. I told her the truth: there was nobody else. I was too busy with training. She then asked how I knew that I loved her...

I've been thinking about that question a lot lately. Doctor Ordan'olanu always told me during my training that I was incapable of any emotion, that I pretended to be happy, sad, etc. and that none of them were real emotions...because they were robbed of me. It makes me worry that I am just "pretending" to love her? It can't be true...it can't be...the Doctor must be wrong. There's no way that I am pretending when my love for her is so strong. She's the only one in this world that I open up to. She's the only one in this world that knows who I am, who the Satturos underneath my calm, cold exterior actually is.

I'd do anything for her, and it still remains my greatest fear in life that I could ever lose her.

And Sai, if you found this and are reading it...
I need to find a better hiding place.

[Satturos Waylorn]

10-May-2008

Entry 2: Random Whining and Complaining

So here I was moving stuff around on Sai's ship...you know, trying to be helpful, and I dropped a cannon ball through the floor. Thankfully it didn't go through the hull itself, but uh...the deck sure does have a nasty hole in the middle of it. So I quickly covered it with a rug. I'll deal with it later.

Other than that mishap earlier today, things have been great this week. Yesterday was just...wow. I won't share everything that happened in the event that some idiot finds it and reads it to get himself off, but I will say it was eventful to say the least.

Although bumping into that forge in the house when we're...having fun...sure does get annoyingly painful. I really gotta get rid of that ******* thing. That and I have to start on my plans to expand the house. I don't really want to move again, so I'll just upgrade it until it eventually is a small mansion...hell, I have the money for it.

<The next three pages are all filled with random profanity concerning the forge in their home.>

Speaking of money, someone's been dipping into the funds quite a lot recently. It's not Sai, I know that because she always complains about being poor, which I don't quite understand, cause it's not like we're struggling financially. Apparently someone else has my access code. The overall balance dropped a good five hundred over the past month.

Sai keeps commenting on how she has a Willy now. I keep telling her she's saying it pretty badly and that it isn't something she wants to say publicly...

I already had someone approach me asking if my wife was a transvestite. I seriously have to stop her from saying that.

Concerning my entry two days ago and my suspects of their actions, I am quite convinced I know who the target is now. It isn't Sai or myself. In fact it is someone that I'm cheering them on for. Although with him dead, sadly I couldn't poke fun at him anymore. Oh well.

Today is another meeting. Goody...just what I wanted. I get to see (and laugh at) more idiotic behavior. If for nothing else, I sure do get a lot of laughs off on the actions of some of these people.

[Satturos Waylorn]

19-May-2008

Entry 3: ...Baking Cookies

So a few nights ago Sai complained that we had a 5 minute session of...

...

...baking cookies. Is it so wrong to be so turned on by...

...

cookies that you can't last for more than five minutes? I dunno what she's whining about. It's marathon...

...

...cookie baking every other night that lasts throughout the night and into the next day! It's how I stay in shape, by doing hours of uh..."gymnastics" with my wife (since I'm retired, beating up on alliance is out of the picture). I don't like to toot my own horn so to speak but I screw up once and my track record is out the window. One bad night and I'll hear about it forever. And probably so will the rest of Silvermoon. So Silvermoon and all its wonderful citizens, I can honestly say, **** YOU.

Other than that, lemme write something down that doesn't revolve around s...

...

...baking cookies. Uh...oh yeah, tonight I guess Erelle and Tou broke up or something like that. I don't typically listen in on the random crap drama of the Regiment, but I really was rooting for those two. Now I hear he's off in Eversong getting busy with that shy priest girl, and so is some paladin guy, and even Kroljas wants in on it. What a slut! I thought she was shy?! Shy people can be that promiscuous? Maybe it's a gangbang or something, but I don't think I'd like to be in a foursome with two other guys. And the one girl would probably end up in quite a bit of pain.

Son of a *****, I'm back on the topic of "baking cookies." Okay, time to shift gears again to something even more away from that topic that couldn't possibly go back to it.

Shado kinda sorta brought up his pathetic "I don't see anyone anymore cause Sai left me" thing again. Let it go, man. I won, you lost. Game over. The end. I got the ring on my finger to prove it. I'd still like an apology for interrupting the wedding with his objection and the fact that he blinded the girl he supposedly cared for, but I don't think that will ever happen.

Anyway, I'm headed home early. I have to redeem myself tonight with another marathon of "baking cookies" with my wife. Maybe tomorrow I'll have something not quite so heavily related to "baking cookies" in this damn thing.

...I kinda doubt it though. One day this journal will probably be found and sold as an erotic magazine. So long as I get royalties, s'all good.

[Satturos Waylorn]

20-May-2008

Entry 4: Takaii Moving In and Twins

So right as Sai and I were going to perform some exotic gymnastics, Takaii came barging into the house yelling about how he plans on moving in with us. Goody. Just ******* great. Talk about a moment killer. Thankfully Sai still was in the mood (even if she said she wasn't) and we ran off, leaving Takaii at the house, to some poor orcish peon's hut where it happened.

My ability to detect life as a healer proved it. We were successful, finally! I'm going to be a father! Of twins, nevertheless! Two little tiny beacons of life hidden away inside their mother...it's an amazing feeling. It seems the future is playing out just as the kids said when they arrived to tell us of the future.

I'm so excited. I can't wait. I don't know if or when we'll make this knowledge public but...

until then.

[Satturos Waylorn]

23-May-2008

Entry 5: Shock and Betrayal

Today was quite possibly the worst day I have had in years. I thought my training was my hell, but my worst nightmares almost became a reality today.

It started with Vivyan, who I badgered for having actually married Pyris. Once a player, always a player, I said to her. That seemed to be all the fuel she needed. She immediately accused Sai of cheating on me with Pyris of all people.

Sai took me out to the lake outside Silvermoon and told me that it was true. That she did cheat on me while we were dating and had slept with Pyris a couple times. It felt like she had just drawn one of her daggers and stabbed me in the heart with it. I lost my cool and exploded at her before running off to find Pyris...hopefully to kill the son of a *****.

Sai kept bitching and complaining about me over the hearthstone, which only infuriated me more. She wanted a second chance. She said she was sorry. She blamed me saying it was my fault that she did it. Like I could give a second chance to someone who passed blame on me. A person I could no longer trust or believe in.

Finally I went home to see what the hell it was she wanted. Again she pleaded for a second chance. I pushed her away and she walked out, leaving behind her wedding ring.

I saw the wedding ring left on her pillow and my heart hit the floor. I just wanted to scream, every fiber of my being twisted in a horrific pain as though my heart was quite literally breaking.

I ran after her, scared to death that I was losing her. She gave me a second chance when she left me and I can back begging her to marry me. I granted her the second chance she asked for, but I will make it very clear that there is no third chance. Now she has her wedding ring back on, and I never ever want to see it again separated from the finger it belongs on.

She doesn't have my complete trust in her right now, and she will spend a long time trying to get that back. I do however trust her enough to let this slide for the most part. I can tell when she's lying. She kinda squints and looks away when she lies. She seemed to be telling the truth that she stopped after we got married and is upset over what happened. It's her ghost to live with. I think it's fine enough punishment that she'll look back on it forever remembering what she did.

I still want Pyris dead, but that will wait til later. For now, I'm off to spend some time making up with my wife. In bed. I hope I didn't catch any odd diseases from him through her though.

Who knows, maybe in the end it was a good thing this was exposed. Maybe it'll bring us closer instead of further apart. I dunno. Only time will tell.

[Satturos Waylorn]

26-May-2008

Entry 6: More Drama and a Teleporting Journal

So I could have sworn I didn't pack this thing with the rest of the stuff when we left for our vacation, but somehow it wound up here anyway late last night. I'm left with two options: either I packed it and totally forgot about it, or this thing has some awkward teleporting power and managed to find me. Well, I'll go with Option A.

Sai says that she's having trouble seeing again, a sure sign that the potion which temporarily restored her vision is wearing off. I'll have to find that troll again, but **** he's so hard to find. I'll just buy a massive supply of them the next I see him to make sure that there is no downtime of her being blind in between potions. She doesn't deserve blindness...

A few nights ago at the meeting, Onika and I had a bit of a falling out. She wonders why I am so disrespectful. Maybe if she did something nice for once, I wouldn't hate her so much. As I always say, I call them as I see them, to be a good leader you must show your soldiers respect and in return, they will respect you. Other people in the Regiment, I have become fairly good friends with. Granted I don't really talk to most of the officers, but I do have respect for Erelle, Toumar, Takaii, Sai, etc. Onika however treating people like her bitches, she deserves to be treated like one in return. If she wants my respect, she better apologize for the crap she's given me over the months of my knowing her. She's never liked me, I know that. I've never really known why, nor do I really care. I have no time for people who cannot be bothered to make the effort to be a GOOD leader. Power corrupts, and I'm glad she's lost hers.

Speaking of Erelle, she seems to have fallen into some very odd form of reanimation, or at least improper resurrection. I tried to help her as best I could, but my efforts failed. I continue to ponder what I could possibly do to help her, but necromancy or soul binding or whatever it was that happened is far from being my field of expertise.

On the Regiment itself, perhaps my earlier entry on my general dislike of them was poorly noted. I find that I grow fonder of more and more of its members. Maybe my efforts to lighten up are working.

Sai and I plan on opening a bar sometime soon, and perhaps have a party for the Regiment on the deck of her ship. I'm rather excited about it. Maybe it's a chance for me to prove that I do have military tact and am a fairly formal individual. I think people fail to notice my good qualities solely because I'm difficult to deal with. It's something I'm trying to change. It'll take some time. I was MADE into the person I am today, and it takes everything I have in me to try to unmake the killing machine that still sits silently inside me.

Although we promised that her cheating was in the past, I can still see that it haunts her. I feel her sadness, I see it in her eyes. I know that she blames herself for a lot of the problems that have happened, even though I don't blame her. That Larken girl commented on how I was too good for Sai. She doesn't really see the full story. Sai's the one who is too good for me. Who would ever want to love someone who can hardly even return the emotion properly?

Well, although this has been a long entry, Sai's calling for me, and even if she can't read it, if she were to see me writing in this, she'd know this was mine. I guess I'll try to hide it somewhere in the bags that we brought with us. We're going to stay in Moonglade for a week, and then move on to our next location. I don't where just yet, but I don't want to be predictable. I'll have to find a new location again.

[Satturos Waylorn]

(( Due to his journal being found by Sai, Satt will now commonly speak directly two Sai through the journal ))

29-May-2008

Entry 7: Back Home

We returned from our vacation briefly to take care of Sai's sight issue. I went out and purchased a massive amount of these potions to temporarily heal her blindness. I think she'll be set for a few years at least now, heh.

Speaking of her, she found this journal. I'm kind of embarassed. Most of these entries are made when I was upset or are just things I needed to vent over, and do not represent what I really feel about issues. Hopefully you understand, my love...

I think our secret is out. To say the least, Takaii is very suspicious of yesterday and is now under the impression that you're pregnant. You said to keep it a secret until it was noticeably impossible to do so, so hopefully we can count on him to keep it.

Yesterday you mentioned that the chocolates were the start to our relationship. I guess you could say that was the first kiss we actually shared, but it wasn't the first time that I had kissed you. I suppose you weren't exactly fully aware of what was going on when I first kissed you. If you want to really know the start to our relationship, you'll have to ask me about it.

Both you and Takaii tried to tell me yesterday that I was demoted again, but I kind of pushed it off as though it didn't matter. The truth is, I am trying...and I'm getting no recognition for my attempts. I guess my last ditch effort is this party. I know what everyone says about me. I've always known. They think I'm useless. I get slapped with demotions like it is no problem, but it really does hurt some.

I am so proud of you, Sai, getting promoted through the ranks to officer status so quickly. I support you a hundred percent of the way. As for me, they don't accept me. The longer I linger around, the more I hear how they pity you for being tied down to an ******* like me.

I don't want to leave the Regiment, but I can't take it much longer. I think it's time for me to move on. How can I remain with a unit that consistently insults me left and right, thinks I do nothing at all for them, and slaps me with demotions whenever I voice my personal opinion or they need a good laugh? I'll give it until next meeting, I guess. I want to see what they have to say about me one last time. If it's the same as what it has been, I'll announce my immediate resignation.

They'll probably rejoice. They've come to hate me.

It's a shame. I don't really want to have to go. I was really growing fond of them.

[Satturos Waylorn]

31-May-2008

Entry 8: Worrying about you

Sai, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about you. You've had all this stress stacked up on top of you over the past month and now all this about your past...

It's not healthy, for you or for the babies. I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I try to help you relieve some stress, more and more gets stacked up on top of you. When we were at Moonglade, I know that you weren't at peace as much as I wanted you to be, but when we are on vacation, I think that it is helping, kinda. We should just leave, now. We should go back on vacation. Who cares about the party tonight? Erelle will understand if we had to go. She'd understand if we told her.

I know that whatever I do, I can't really help you. I can sympathize with what you're going through, I can protect you, I can protect the little ones inside you, but I can't erase your past. Sadly you need to sort that out on your own.

But it hurts me so much to see you suffering and know that really, I can't do anything about it. All I can ask is that you don't shut me out.

I'm there for you, I always have been, I always will be. I love you with all my heart, Sai. Please remember that...

[Satturos Waylorn]

9-June-2008

Entry 9: Did I do right? Yes, I think.

"When you do stupid things like this, it reflects badly on me..."

Your words haunt me. You told me those exact words just after the meeting before last. In essence you're saying that I'm bad for your image. I am. I know this. All I can say is I'm trying. I'm trying so hard and getting nowhere.

I've been trying to find Onika to apologize for overreacting. I think we both overreacted. She and I are both stubborn, and when you put a stubborn person against an equally stubborn person, you get chaos. She's just never around. I can't talk to someone who never is around. I've been trying though, for weeks now.

Saturday I'd like to think I did good. I found them. I did. I only wish I got there sooner to save her. I got promoted over my efforts, but the promotion was the least of my real concerns. My only real concern is not to prove that I'm not some useless piece of **** to the others, it's to prove that I'm not bad for your image. I told you last night about what happened, but still, you didn't say anything about my promotion, not a congratulation, not a "Good job, Honey," not anything of any support, not a word. When I did get promoted, you stood there and said nothing, not even a smile. It's like you knew it would happen. Maybe I'm asking for too much, but when I'm trying to prove myself, I need to know if I'm headed in the right direction. It only leaves me thinking that I still haven't done enough. I still only prove to be a burden, a scar on your good image.

I'm fighting a losing battle to prove myself. I may prove myself to everyone else in the world, but they aren't as important as me proving that I am good for you...and not just that piece of **** you have to put up with.

Sometimes I really wonder why you said yes to when I asked you to marry me.

[Satturos Waylorn]

(( All former entries have been torn out of the book. Satturos still is addressing Sai whenever he says "you." ))

13-June-2008

Entry 1: Be careful what you wish for...

Alright, new start on this thing. I've entered too much garbage into this diary that never ever seems to actually reflect who I am or what I think. I tend to only write entries when something major happened, when I'm seriously depressed, or when I'm overly angry. I write stuff in this thing that I never mean, so from now on, if I ever do that, those pages are getting ripped out and I'm starting again from scratch.

Sai, you may be wondering what the name of this entry means. Last night, you probably weren't expecting the whole rough-play. You wanted it, you got it. I still had to be kinda careful though...cause of the kids...

We felt a kick or two last night. It feels crazy! It's just so amazing, something you don't expect to be all that special, and yet...only another symbol telling me that parenthood is just around the corner. They're doing great too. I've been playing doctor and checking up on them constantly. I just can't wait to hold them in my arms...

Last night there was some little blow up thing down in Ratchet concerning that Lara girl. I'm not entirely sure what to think of her anymore, but that's something that I have a while to think about.

The bar looks great. I checked up on it last night and it seems to fit requirements just fine. It's even got beds to double as an inn for visitors. If we do open it, we'll be opening it soon, I think. We're both pretty restless from having nothing to do.

Oh, and I burnt myself on that ******* forge again. Light, I hate that thing...

[Satturos Waylorn]

16-June-2008

Entry 2: The Dares

Just a reminder for when you read this, Sai, I'm going away this weekend with the kids for a trip up to the waterfall we got married at. Now that I know the real story from you, I kinda know why they want me to take them there.

Last night, I came home kinda late cause I was too busy playing a thrilling game of Truth or Dare with the others in Silvermoon. Childish game? Yes. Fun? Yes. I tried being nice at first. I kept targeting Toumar and Erelle and almost forcefully pushing them together with any dare they took. I mean they're back together and all, but they need all the help they can get. I mean, I ask her if she'd marry him if he asked (when she picked a truth), and all I get is a lame "eh, maybe." This is after she tells me last week things that strictly contradict a maybe answer.

Then I started getting targetted for the rough dares. Every dare I got somehow included getting me naked. I guess even though I'm married, I'm eye candy.

So I went for a brisk jog around the city in the nude. Not as fun as your naked leap frog game that you played, but still naked. Too bad you weren't there, eh?

What else was funny...hmm, maybe me getting Erelle to act like a cat for Toumar, or getting Alexrial to act like a prostitute to Kirfkin, or asking Rillet how often he jacks off while thinking about Alex...

Sorry we didn't get to do anything real fun last night. But as you can see, I was busy laughing at the others doing stupid things.

[Satturos Waylorn]

24-June-2008

Entry 3: Reverting to the High Champion

I failed. How do I protect my family if I can't protect myself? I was taken hostage and nearly died from it. I think part of my weakening defenses is the fact that I've let my emotions get the best of me. Perhaps I should reverse that. Perhaps I should return to being the nonchalant superwarrior that I was before I met Sai. If I do, the first step will be to stop writing in this thing.

I just can't let my family be hurt, so I'll do what I must to be capable of defending them again, even if it means giving up the things I want most. It's a small price to-

*the entry suddenly ends as though he was interrupted while writing it.*