Post by Xannathel Sunstrife on May 10, 2008 0:30:55 GMT -5
He stood alone, as he usually saw himself, surrounding by the swirling black of his own mind. Every now and then, a faint image, a brief glance at happier times, perhaps, or of sad times.
Did he truly have happier times?
Of course I did.
The face of the elf remained as it always had in these recent weeks; tired, almost void if not for the overwhelming hint of morose agony, a quite suffering, a -- ...
No, no. There is no agony, nor suffering. Simply pity.
Self pity.
"You're not the victim," he told himself, a dead declaration to a dead mind.
I know.
"No you don't..." came the faint whisper, the bruised-looking eyelids closing over, the head turning away from an imaginary reflection. "You do not know anything, that is why she is gone. She would have returned if you had understood."
Why are you saying this...?
"Because it's true," the voice came firmer, the eyes opening slowly. "You only understand your own pain...you know nothing of others."
They do not understand me.
"Because they can't."
Why can't they?
"They have not lived through what you have. They will not know. All of them react the same...oh, what a terrible story, Xannathel, you're still an idiot for not being able to feel."
He could feel the anger building up.
"They will condemn you for returning to your past -- dwelling, they say -- but it is not unfair for them! No, they can dwell on their demons all they wish! But when you do it, you are wrong! You are wrong!"
He finally turned to face himself, a confused, hollow image glaring back at him in the surrounding dark.
You are a broken man.
"Perhaps..."
They broke you.
"Stop...I am tired of blame."
But you just accused them of mistreating you.
"Perhaps I only want to feel victimized...to ignore my own villainy."
Do they ignore theirs?
"Who can say. Women are infamous for double standards."
And you say you wish to embrace your villainy.
"I would if I were truly lying."
A grin.
Perhaps we've grown smarter after all.
"Perhaps..."
...
Perhaps...
Did he truly have happier times?
Of course I did.
The face of the elf remained as it always had in these recent weeks; tired, almost void if not for the overwhelming hint of morose agony, a quite suffering, a -- ...
No, no. There is no agony, nor suffering. Simply pity.
Self pity.
"You're not the victim," he told himself, a dead declaration to a dead mind.
I know.
"No you don't..." came the faint whisper, the bruised-looking eyelids closing over, the head turning away from an imaginary reflection. "You do not know anything, that is why she is gone. She would have returned if you had understood."
Why are you saying this...?
"Because it's true," the voice came firmer, the eyes opening slowly. "You only understand your own pain...you know nothing of others."
They do not understand me.
"Because they can't."
Why can't they?
"They have not lived through what you have. They will not know. All of them react the same...oh, what a terrible story, Xannathel, you're still an idiot for not being able to feel."
He could feel the anger building up.
"They will condemn you for returning to your past -- dwelling, they say -- but it is not unfair for them! No, they can dwell on their demons all they wish! But when you do it, you are wrong! You are wrong!"
He finally turned to face himself, a confused, hollow image glaring back at him in the surrounding dark.
You are a broken man.
"Perhaps..."
They broke you.
"Stop...I am tired of blame."
But you just accused them of mistreating you.
"Perhaps I only want to feel victimized...to ignore my own villainy."
Do they ignore theirs?
"Who can say. Women are infamous for double standards."
And you say you wish to embrace your villainy.
"I would if I were truly lying."
A grin.
Perhaps we've grown smarter after all.
"Perhaps..."
...
Perhaps...